Dark Side Of The Moon

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So were at it again, I have given myself till Wednesday to finish my final edit for our new book Boatyard Pirates.  I have as many final edits as I do failed attempts with the Yuloh but we are setting off again sans engine unless by some miracle the money we need  to finish paying for our brand spanking new to us 2005 Johnson 4 stroke 6hp long shaft outboard falls out of the sky.

Falmouth Cutter 22

I feel kind of guilty putting a reliable source of propulsion on The` as for the last year we have been the greatest source of entertainment around here with all of our failed attempts with the Yuloh and now add the British Seagull to the list. On the positive side we are so all consumed with actually getting the boat out of the harbor that we no longer worry about silly things like food, heat, charts, blah, blah, blah.  We can worry about the important things once we actually need them which as always is on the other side of the breakwater which may as well be the dark side of the moon to us.

While we are out avoiding finding gainful employment and all the other things our parents, friends, and family wish we were doing I will leave you with what very well may become one of the best blogs in the world.  These guys are doing everything right. Imagine voyaging with a wife and 3 daughters and no electricity or even plumbing, Ganymede is a home finished Cape George 31 and she is out there right now, take a peek and say hi.

“You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.” 
~Toni Morrison

Prison Break

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Just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true.  We are all prisoners of our minds and it can be one of the most isolating incarcerations known to man.  Breaking out of this thought prison is possible but only you have the key.

Don't think twice its alright

We all have fears, some large, some small, all of them completely irrational.  Some of the most successful people I know are literally crippled with anxiety in one form or another.  Franklin D. Roosevelt wrote, “there is nothing to fear but fear itself.” In my opinion wiser words have never been spoken.  For me, my irrational fear is water in all forms, the ocean, rivers, snow, ice. Water scares the hell out of me.  Why then would I choose to live and make a living on the sea?  Fear is an irrational thought based on nothing that exists in the present or even in the future.  Fear is based off of past experiences that no longer exist anywhere except in the little cell in which we imprison ourselves called the mind.  Fear is nothing but an excuse not to succeed be it in love, life, business, or any other endeavor we choose not to engage in  based off of simple what-ifs.

Of all the lessons in life we have been taught the single most important one is that fear doesn’t exist.  Sure I can imagine I have 100 pounds of gold, or that I am dating Jessica Alba, or that I am superman but those are just fictional thoughts, not reality.  It doesn’t matter what fears you may have manifested in your mind, they don’t exist and never will.

So how then do we find the key?  Happiness, love and and success are contagious.  Surround yourselves with these three simple factors become a student of them and you will be free.  The problem is that society teaches us the exact opposite.

Turn off your TV. 100% of what you watch is not only a lie but it teaches us subliminally that it’s OK to lie steal and cheat.

Focus all your efforts on what really matters, people, not things. There is not a single thing in this world that can truly make you happy, people can and do, the good ones should be protected like treasure and that bad ones dropped like a bad habit.   I don’t have many friends but I can tell you one thing for sure, if you are in my life I would take a bullet for you; that’s how important you are to me.

Understand that money is nothing more than a tool; it’s a tool that is there in any size shape and form that you need and available to all equally but not a tool worth living for, and certainly not worth lying, stealing or cheating for.

Tell the truth 100% of the time. I have never been able to understand why it’s so difficult for people to be honest.

Be humble and be gracious, share everything you can and understand every person has something to teach you.

Challenge your fears. I used to be a afraid of public speaking. Considering it was what I did for a living at the time it was a huge stress in my life.  To battle this fear I took voice lessons and started singing in public. If you can sing for an audience, talking is just plain easy.

There are no boundaries in this life, the sooner you learn that simple fact the sooner you will be free once and for all from a prison they call the human mind.

Live like you did when you were a child, afraid of nothing with eyes wide open.  It’s never too late.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.  ~Marianne Williamson

Two Foot Itis

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There are boats, and houses, and house boats, and even boat houses but we think we have found the perfect combination, at least for the armchair sailor or weary foot worn traveler.

Pilot Cutter

We checked into Wayfarers Rest a beautiful little hostel located right in the heart of Friday Harbor on San Juan Island.  We were foot weary and ready for a break from a full day of exploring the Island.

pilot cutter

We loved this little oasis and had fun playing in someone else’s boat, one thing we noticed immediately  is a although this boat was nearly 8 feet longer and a foot wider than our little Pilot Cutter it wasn’t any larger or more comfortable.

pilot cutter

Two foot Itis is fairly common among sailors,  Rarely will you meet a boater who doesn’t think their boat is a bit too small, or sometime a bit too large.

Wayfarers Rest

Stuffing two adults and a dog into a 22′ sailboat makes for quite a cozy package and while we have been on the constant search for a Bristol Channel Cutter our little boat is amazingly comfortable.

Boat dog

Every small modification we make to the boat makes her a bit larger and more comfortable but there is always that lingering thought of just a few more feet would…

Wayfarers Rest

I get Serena on every boat I can showing her small differences in size and layout and thank god she always comes home thinking our little boat is the best.  It can be  a challenge living together on such a small boat but there is a sort of romanticism that comes with our little yacht that size can never replace.

Wayfarers Rest

Like all magnificent things our boat like our lives is simple.

Whether You Think You Can Or Can’t Your Right

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 I remember listening to a conversation between an astronomer and a priest. To make a short story long, the astronomer said to the priest, “When it really comes down to it religion is little more than do onto your neighbor as you would do onto yourself”.  The priest smiled and said “And when you really get down to it Astronomy is little more than twinkle twinkle little star how I wonder what you are.

Bellingham Bay

What business does a visually disabled dyslexic with double vision and A.D.D. have perusing a  lifetime dream of film making?  It all depends on who you ask.  I’ve spent the last 82 days living with my Nikon D5100, this may well be one of the worst choices for video available on the market today but I wanted a single, simple, do it all point and shooter.  Why do I call it a point and shooter?  When it really comes down to it that’s what photography is, look through the little hole, point the camera in the direction of the subject push the button and you have just recorded history.  The eye and intent of the creative is the difference between a mediocre image and a work of art.

Go pick up any outdoor gear catalog and you will more than likely find very little inspiration in the advertising images created by technically perfect photographers catering to the corporate monkeys pushing overpriced cheap Chinese shit on the masses.  Then look at the Patagonia catalog and compare the reader submitted photographs that make you want to tell your boss to stuff it, burn your cubicle, pack a day-pack and set off on that pilgrimage around the world you are always dreaming about while surfing facebook under flickering florescent light while your precious life slips between your fingers.  Whats the difference? Passion, without passion you can be technically perfect at anything in the world but you will still be creating technically perfect crap.

The number one question I receive on this blog is how can you possibly afford it.  The truth is I cant, the boat, the blog, the lifestyle, the dream, none of it.  You will never be able to afford it, whatever your IT is.  I love the old saying, Step off the cliff and the net will appear.  So there I was trapped in a dead end situation, broke, bored, suffocating, and unhappy.  I quit my job, spent my pathetic savings on a digital DSLR and stepped off the cliff.

I have spent the last two months studying film making, not in school but by going out and shooting.  This camera frustrates the hell out of me, the auto focus sucks, the metering is a pain in the ass, and the battery life is horrible.  I’ve carried this little camera everywhere I’ve gone since the day I purchased it. Its been rained on, snowed on, bumped, banged, and bruised.  I’ve taken it to sea dozens of times, stuffed it in my overloaded pack, fried the battery, and shorted the camera.  Iv’e violated every rule of taking care of your camera and still this little Nikon is taking care of me, its not the camera that sucks, it’s me.  I could blame the whole world for why I am having difficulties,  I could turn every little bump in the road into Mt Everest, I could spend the rest of my life hiding behind  fear of failure, I could throw my arms up in frustration and quit, I could…

The reality is I simply haven’t put in enough time, the camera is nothing more than an extension of my creative vision but I still don’t know how to operate this simple tool to its maximum efficiency.  A better camera wont make me a better photographer.  Just like the old adage guns don’t kill people, people kill people, cameras don’t make a film, people do.  Just like learning to ride a bike, every day you ride you get a little bit better and your confidence increases. Every day you pursue your dreams you get a bit closer and your confidence in succeeding becomes a little stronger, without putting in the time you will never gain that confidence and without confidence you will never achieve anything other than regret and failure.  Its scary for all of us but the alternative to 100% commitment to success is 100% commitment to failure.

It’s tough, your going to get beat up, you will have days where you wonder what the fuck you are doing, people will put you down, there will always be people who envy your freedom and success.  There will always be unknown factors.

There are two doors in front of all of us.  One is open and leads down the same old corridor   The other is locked and closed, it leads down an unknown path and only you hold the key, choose wisely, its your life.  If your not living your dream what are you doing?

I’m reminded of the old story of the farmer and the cow.  The farmer says to the cow, “give me milk and I’ll feed you”.  The cow replies, “feed me and I’ll give you milk”.

Failing Failing Over The Bounding Main

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We had just poked out into the main channel when our 1973 British Seagull started to sputter, then it died.  There was too much wind and not enough space to haul the sails and we were dead in the water.

Galley wench

I calmly scanned the harbor for a place to ditch out and there was none.  I gave the engine a few pulls and nothing, this is when I noticed fuel dripping out of the carburetor.  I called to Serena that we would try and scull back with the rudder.  We had an incoming tide that pulled us along with the breeze as spectators lined the dock wondering what we would do.  It was slow going but we made it back to our slip without incident.  This turned out to be one of the shortest trips we had made only slightly beaten out by many of our initial Yuloh tests where something would always break within a hundred yards of the dock.  All I can say is, back to the drawing board.

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.  Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. ~Thomas Edison

The` And The Seagull

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And just like that 6 years after hatching the dream, we untied the dock lines, pushed The` out of her slip and the voyage had begun.

Cutting the dock lines

There was no small amount of sacrifice to get here.  I spent 798 days in the boatyard re-building the perfect boat often fueled on nothing other than a wing and a prayer.  It felt like I would never launch that boat but I did, two months later I found myself in divorce court and another year and a half slipped away from my life as did the perfect boat.  When The` found her way into my life I was tired, broke and beaten but not defeated.  It would take two more brutally cold lonely winters to defeat me and they came and left as did my enthusiasm for sailing.  When the power failed on my boat I only survived the cold for three days before packing it in and moving ashore.  We humans are resilient but we all have our limits. Last week I was at it again getting the boat ready, fighting the Yuloh that works perfectly but somehow under my control it becomes about as handy as a deadhead on a dark and stormy night.  I had considered going Columbus style minus killing the natives but in reality without some form of propulsion it is just plain stupid and dangerous.

cutting the docklines.

Enter Serena my mermaid in shining scales.  She found us a 40 year old British Seagull outboard just 18 hours before departure.  We spent the day rebuilding the motor and breaking my hand.  It was after midnight when we crawled into our new bed and both laid there exhausted and wide awake.  We  had to push out by 7 AM to hopefully make the tide and safely cross the straights.  We over-slept by hours but quickly plotted a new course, untied the dock lines and shoved The` out of her slip. With a little bit of handy tiller work we got her pointed in the right direction put her in her only gear, forward and were finally free.

The sun was shining as the balmy wind kissed my face, our new motor smoked more than Cheech and Chong  as we very slowly made our way to the main channel, I flashed a huge smile at Serena and like most sailors who forget the storm only seconds after it abates the many years of struggle, failures, hard work and titanic dumb ass determination faded away from  memory.  I had long forgotten about the cold winters, icy docks, and long dark lonely nights.  Six years of living in poverty so I could buy boat parts slipped from my mind.  The boat isn’t anywhere near being ready, not by a bagillion miles but we are and that’s all that matters.  We  were free once and for all and there wasn’t a goddamn thing in the world that could stop us…

Murphy’s law is an adage or epigram that is typically stated as: If something can go wrong, it will (and if anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway).

Islands In The Sky

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We walked away arm in arm, tears were steaming down Serena’s face, I asked her whats was wrong.  ”I miss my Daddy” she said with a smile and a hick-up, “I don’t want him to leave”.  Our whirlwind journey through the Sky Islands was over.

San Juan Islands

You can read every book, surf the net, and look at thousands of pictures, stand on the beach and stare and imagine but you can never fully comprehend the beauty of the Islands with out the touch, taste, and smell that makes them real.  I have been bouncing around these Islands for years and every journey is like my first.

San Juan Islands

If I could bottle my enthusiasm for wanderlust I would be a millionaire, then again I already live like one, minus the complications.  The truth is is If I won the lottery today, I would donate every penny to the Children’s Hospital and continue the journey I’m on.  This journey can’t be purchased, it has to be earned.

Lopez Island

Every beach was just slightly more beautiful than the last.

sailing the San Juans

We were only a stones throw from the mainland but we might have well have been a million miles away.  There is a slowness in the San Juan’s that cant be experienced anywhere else in the world.  It’s the long, dark and rainy winters that keep this island paradise just that.  If it was 10 degrees warmer here we would have a bridge to every island and a mansion on every beach.  The harsh northern winters that created this jewel of an island chain are also her protectors.

Hiking Lopez Island

We hiked deserted trails to our hearts content, our only company was two Bald Eagles keeping a watchful eye over us.

San Juan Ferry

We weren’t ready to leave Lopez but there are schedules to maintain, even in the Islands.  We both agreed that Lopez would be our home base for our summer explorations, smack dab in the middle of the islands we can get everywhere from Fish Bay with ease.

Orcas Island

We didn’t stop to explore Orcas Island but we will have the enire summer for that, we always like to save the best for last.

Friday harbor

Friday Harbor on San Juan Island was our final destination and it didn’t let us down.  I have sailed to all the islands but have never been more than a half mile inland.

Cycling San Juan

I could go on and on but for now I will leave it at this small taste of the Islands.

Pilot cutter

We found the most amazing treasure on San Juan, but that’s another story, and just like that, this journey came to an end.

Moon river, wider than a mile
I’m crossing you in style some day
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker
Wherever you’re goin’, I’m goin’ your way

Two drifters, off to see the world
There’s such a lot of world to see
We’re after the same rainbow’s end, waitin’ ’round the bend
My huckleberry friend, moon river, and me.  ~Moon River

Pirates Of The Salish Sea

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As far back as I can remember I’ve always wanted to be a pirate. I spent my youth reading history books about Spanish galleons, reading old treasure maps, and dug hundreds of holes looking for buried loot.  In 1984 my life changed forever.  Raiders Of The Lost Ark was my first window into a world I never knew existed…

Falmouth Cutter 22

The history of archaeology is about treasures, and I was born a treasure hunter.  Back in 1984 there was no internet and our TV got about 3 channels if you propped the dog ears just right. My local library was a gold mine of old National Geographic Magazines and history books, I read every one of them.  Enter Indiana Jones, that movie opened my eyes to a world of travel, adventure the pursuit of long lost treasure.  I have always loved characters like Indiana Jones and Captain Jack Sparro, they are good guys, always in over their heads, and always find the treasure, win the day, and get the girl.

Falmouth Cutter

It doesn’t seem unreasonable to spend ones life in pursuit of treasure, be-it buried gold, or anything greater than a life doomed to mediocrity.  The holly grail is just that, to each our own, we all have a holly grail.

I buried my first treasure in Savanna in the late 70′s and over the years have buried treasures all over the world.  My search for treasure has enabled me to live a thousand lives, always the underdog and always winning in the end, savy?

If there are no survivors, I wonder where all the stories come from?  ~Captain Jack Sparrow

The Maximalist

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Pilgrims, travelers, trekkers, voyagers, call us what you like, we as humans all have that nomadic gene.  What sets some of us apart from the others is the ability, need, want, and desire to uproot and walk away from everything, heading into that new but unknown direction.  The question is how to finance our wandering ways.

Stealth Camping

“Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I have officially reached a state of minimalism, I no longer have anything to work at , I have let everything go.  My life savings is 30 quarters in my little treasure satchel and I have two weeks of food, fuel and the basic necessities that sustain life.

Experience is the only thing in this world that we truly posses,  it can never be taken away.  Every journey can take us as far as we choose to go, my journey isn’t ending its just beginning.  There is no destination, we may never truly know where were going as long as we are going, that’s what matters.  I’ve always said, if you have to ask yourself if its the real thing its not.  So here I am, what next…

stealth camping

People are always asking me how much it costs.  My new journey is to discover just that.  I’ve become accustomed to drinking shitty wine, and shitty scotch and I’m OK with it.  I eat very basic meals and often go without, this is OK also.

My new goal is to become a maximalist while continuing to live the minimalist lifestyle.  To earn as I go and not just get by but heaven forbid accumulate wealth, to acquire a few things I have lived for so long without.  I have proved to myself that I can happily live with nothing, now its time to add a few luxuries to my life like a savings account, a warm sleeping bag, and a real set of foulies.  Over the course of the next few years I will search, discover and share my new maximalist lifestyle.

What do we truly need?   If I want it, and I don’t have it, I don’t need it, true but needs got nothing to do with it.  Life without small luxuries can become quite boring.  I’m not talking about a 40′ yacht, or all the latest gadgetry, i’m talking about the small things, comforts, and the luxury of being able to purchase something without having to add up the sales tax in advance to see if I have enough pennies to actually pay for it.

This is a day by day journey into receiving the maximum benefit with minimal effort.  A journey of choice, and a journey of freedom to live the life I have chosen.

My first step is consistent income.  I have hired myself and now all I have to do is create a source for my new employee.  For now I am chief engineer on The`, washer, waxer, electrician, rigger, bottom cleaner, sail maker.  I have a $1000.00 mobile office/film studio and nothing but time on my hands.  I’m a one man marketing and PR department, writer, producer, director, host, and editor.  My old motto we pay to advertise, but create to publicize could never be truer and I have just embarked on a journey to create an empire with nothing more that a cheap camera, on old dying net book and $7.50 in quarters.  From this point forward any success or failure in is up to me and nobody else. I don’t see how life can be anymore difficult than it is now, so the only way is up.

Do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own. ~ Mathew 6:34

I’m the new 1%

A few friends of mine were having a party for me celebrating my first role in National television show.  A voice chirped in, “Your a true overnight success Alan”. I asked what she was talking about and had to continually remind her that I had just spent the last 2 years working full time in the industry and had another ten behind it in a parallel industry.  ”But still Alan You an overnight success”.

The new one percent

Its sad but this is the general thinking of most people today, that success is given, not earned.  I meet so many people that want to live their dreams, what ever they may be, but simply refuse to earn them.  Fewer than 1% of us will ever live our true lives the way we want.

My dreams and aspirations are many but most people in my life are so fixated on the end result that they have missed the journey all together.  The process is the most important part of life.

Every journey begins the day that you commit to it and without 100% commitment you will never fully realize that journey.  It wasn’t that many years ago that I made more money in a month than most people make in a year.  It didn’t take long for me to realize it was an illusion, its cost was measured in the best years of my life and its benefits and rewards  were little in comparison to the cost.

I was addicted to wealth and everything that it offered.  When I decided to walk a different path I didn’t just buy a book on minimalism and call myself transformed.  Like a drug addict you will never be free of your addictions until you can completely walk away.  My goal was to learn to respect money and wealth and to acquire it under my own terms.  I don’t seek employment I create it.  I don’t seek adventure, I live it.

There is a cost in everything we do.  My journey into simple living is moving on two step two, wealth creation.  I’ve never seen wealth as a bad thing but something that must be carefully monitored and channeled.  In the next month or so my new wealth building journey will begin.  I have always told people if you want to be wealthy you need to learn to give money away.  As of today money has almost no meaning to me making if easy to pass on to the needy.

One day soon someone will utter these words to me,” sure but its easy for you Alan your wealthy”.  Today is my 7 year anniversary with walking away from everything and also of my first blog post on a little old blog called Midlife Cry SOS.

What ever your dream is, today is the day start that journey so grab the bull by the tail and look him square in the eye.

Heading towards the station … 

 Tucked away in our subconscious minds is an idyllic vision. We see ourselves on a long, long trip that almost spans the continent. We’re traveling by passenger train, and out the windows we drink in the passing scene of cars on nearby highways, of children waving at a crossing, of cattle grazing on a distant hillside, of smoke pouring from a power plant, of row upon row of corn and wheat, of flatlands and valleys, of mountains and rolling hills, of biting winter and blazing summer and cavorting spring and docile fall.

But uppermost in our minds is the final destination. On a certain day at a certain hour we will pull into the station. There sill be bands playing, and flags waving. And once we get there so many wonderful dreams will come true. So many wishes will be fulfilled and so many pieces of our lives finally will be neatly fitted together like a completed jigsaw puzzle. How restlessly we pace the aisles, damning the minutes for loitering … waiting, waiting, waiting, for the station.

However, sooner or later we must realize there is no one station, no one place to arrive at once and for all. The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly outdistances us.

“When we reach the station, that will be it !” we cry. Translated it means, “When I’m 18, that will be it ! When I buy a new 450 SL Mercedes Benz, that will be it ! When I put the last kid through college, that will be it ! When I have paid off the mortgage, that will be it ! When I win a promotion, that will be it ! When I reach the age of retirement, that will be it ! I shall live happily ever after !”

Unfortunately, once we get it, then it disappears. The station somehow hides itself at the end of an endless track.

“Relish the moment” is a good motto, especially when coupled with Psalm 118:24: “This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.” It isn’t the burdens of today that drive men mad. Rather, it is regret over yesterday or fear of tomorrow. Regret and fear are twin thieves who would rob us of today.

So, stop pacing the aisles and counting the miles. Instead, climb more mountains, eat more ice cream, go barefoot oftener, swim more rivers, watch more sunsets, laugh more and cry less. Life must be lived as we go along. The station will come soon enough.

~Found as published in Dear Abby, The Station, By Robert J. Hastings

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