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When you are resolved from the beginning, you will not be perplexed by the rain, though you will get the same soaking. This understanding extends to all things.” From the Samurai manual, called the Hagakure 


For once in my life my thoughts aren’t crystal clear.  I’m trapped like a rat, and ready to chew my foot off to escape.  I wont get into the chain of events that got me here, but here I am again. In 20 days if I cant climb out of this hole I loose everything.  I should be scared but I’m not, I’m pissed off.  I’ve grown weary of being stolen from, lied to, taken advantage of, and generally just feel fucked over.  The reality is I have nobody to blame but myself for letting these things happen. How did this happen?  It doesn’t really matter the path that got me lost, what matters most is the path to freedom.

I can choose any path but I I must choose wisely.  Winter is setting in and I still have no heater or auxiliary source of propulsion.  I’ve been trapped in an endless maze of false security for too long.  I have trusted and relied on the wrong people.  Deep down I know I have all the answers.  All I have to do now is muster the courage to make  change.

For once in my life I am going to put myself first.  I have started the search for all that has been lost, starting with my dignity.

There’s a difference between interest and commitment.  When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit.  When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuse, only results.

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