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Its officially been one week since I have retired so to speak. I have done everything imaginable other than actually seek gainful employment. Today was the day I had planned on contemplating seeking employment when the most mysterious thing happened…
My day started with a the typical conversation with my dad that has been going on for years.
Dad Hows the weather?
Me It’s snowing.
Dad Did you find a new job?
Dad, Have you been doing any writing?
Dad Why not?
Me I don’t have anything to write about.
Dad Remember that show Seinfeld? It was about nothing, maybe you could write about nothing.
Me Obviously you haven’t read my blog.
Dad Whats a blog?
Me Never mind.
I was well on my way to a productive day when I hacked Serena’s Netflix account and found Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. This guy is a freaking genius I thought to myself. The question is can it really be done.
My whole day was hijacked when I found this most curious clue, but what does it mean??? Suddenly it hit me, Serena is a spy. It all started to make sense, she is a Russian Jew for starters, tall and dark with brooding eyes. Every day she disappears for hours, but where does she go? She doesn’t get home till late in the evenings, and is always tired when she returns, very suspicious. She is always studying martial arts and has hundreds of books. She claims she is a medical student but I’m beginning to wonder. Then there is her computer, its tiny, silver, and very spy like and she is always on it typing away. Seriously, does anyone actually use a computer for work? If she wants a game of Spy VS Spy she’s got it.
This isn’t my first rodeo, as a child I read the Hardy Boys and Dick Tracey. As an adult I’ve read everything from The Man Who Stole The Mona Lisa to The Da Vinci Code. I even have real life experience.
I was at my best friends house when all the pieces fell together. We’ll just call him Owen to hide his true identity. He is from Canada which is suspicious in its own right but there is more, He is tall and dark, and way too successful for his age.
Me I knew it, Your a terrorist.
Me Whats this Arabic language CD you have on your dining room table?
Owen I’ve never seen it before in my life.
Owen I’m not a terrorist.
Me Why are you traveling all the time? Where do you go?
Owen Its called a job, you should get one.
Me And your black jeep with tinted windows?
Me Why are you always dressed so nice, I mean really who wears a suit?
Me How do you explain owning a house, and a boat, and what do you do with that big expensive camera?
Owen Job, job, job.
I still haven’t figured out what he’s up to but I’m keeping my eye on him.
All the pieces have fallen together, I have found my true calling. As of today I am putting my full efforts into becoming a secret agent. I still haven’t been able to crack the secret code on this mysterious note I found mistakenly left beside the coffee maker but I’m on it. Touche little girl I’m on to you!
The question isn’t “what are we going to do,” the question is “what aren’t we going to do?” ~Ferris Bueller