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I wake up instantly and freeze I can feel heavy poky feet walking across my face, TARANCHULA.   I have to say in most situations of stress or down right fear I am a rock, a natural born leader, this is not one of those situations. 

I jump to my feet and scream like a 12 year old girl, jumping around like a fool. It’s 2:00am. I had ridden my bike half way around the island looking for work  I was never going to make it home before the sun set so I found. Quiet piece of dirt and went to sleep.  That’s how low I have degraded since arriving here, I just close my eyes and pray it doesn’t rain, I don’t even have my sweatshirt with me.  Now wide awake I ride through the dark, my mind attacks me.  

I think about loyalty in this world an wonder If it exists or is every man and woman just out on thier own agenda. I think about Chloe and miss her more than words can express. I think about my father, he isn’t getting any younger and he is the reason I’m here. His 75th birthday is coming up and I wouldn’t miss it for th world.  So I buy the cheapest ticket and show up three weeks early. 

When the family arrives I will crawl out of the dirt and check into a posh home on the beach,  seven days later I will crawl back into the dirt. 

I thought I would just camp around, pick up some work and tour the islands. Hawaii is a corporation there is no work for a homeless guy with no phone or address. The world has changed. I have changed.

I’ve been brought to my knees, as far as hawaii is concerned I am the invisible man.  A few months ago I was sailing the coast of British Columbia now I’m living with meth heads. I fantasize about having a cubicle and a car and a mortgage the more debt I can create the safer I will be because it will keep me neatly tucked into the cog of the corporate world.  I’m not lonely out here I’m truly alone.  I’m not a cryer, the only time I can recall in my adult life was when Chloe passed.   Today the tears fall like raindrops, I don’t even know why but I don’t fight it. 

The letters I receive warm my heart and help me make it through another day.  I’m not beaten, beaten down yes but not beaten.  My blinders are off for the first time  in my life I see the real world.  I guess what it really comes down to is that there is nothing I wouldn’t do for the people in this world I call friends and family.

I walk to the beach at dawn and write love letters in the sand to my imaginary girlfriend. It’s the most beautiful morning I have ever whitnessed  and through all this I can still only think of one thing.  I want to ride every inch of this tropical paradise. 

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