When I was 13 my eighth grade English teacher gave us a writing assignment to describe what we wanted to be when we grew up. I wrote about freedom, she gave me an F and told me that I didn’t understand the assignment and offered me a chance to rewrite it for a better grade. I suggested that she didn’t understand the assignment and offered her another chance to re-read my paper and earn a bit of my respect. I kept the F she lost my respect and while I moved on in life she is still there handing out assignments she will never understand.
What you do for a living isn’t what you are, or who you are, it’s simply how you have chosen to exchange your youth for money, a good trade in many eyes and mine for sure at one point in my life. We are all alloted a certain amount of days on this earth from birth to death and every one of us is free to choose how we want to spend them. Unless of course you choose to live your life as a free man or woman. An example is even though I’m paying cash for my property and will own it outright, I don’t actually own it. The county won’t let me build my house, it is illegale because it is too small. We say we own our homes but we don’t and not only do we not own them but we arent even allowed to do what we want with them. This just one of many things that are seriously pissing me off this week, I’ll try and not go on an entire diatribe about it. Right, good luck with that one.
Simplicity means many things to many people. To me it means Not having a bank account, not having an address, not having a phone although I actually do have one this month but only because I have a guest coming to visit and need it to coordinate logistics. I don’t have any bills other than boat yard storage. I’m sure my life is far to simple but I just have better things to do with my time than chase paper. Today I received my first and conceivably my last paycheck of the year. You’d think I would be out buying a new pair of shoes since I have none but I’m not. I’m not buying socks to keep my feet warm or even booze. I’ve grown very accustomed to my sandals and what they represent, what my unshaven face represents and what my man scent represents, that right I don’t wear deodorant and some people think I stink. I live in a world with very few rules and because of it I am the weird one. I’m weird because I’m not trading the best years of my life for funny little pieces of green paper, signing 30 year contracts with neat little amortized payments equaling 200% of the borrowed amount. I don’t fit in because I’m not paying every one of my bills on a credit card only to be payed at a later date with double digit interest. Many even consider me a loser because I’m not leasing a car I could never afford to pay cash for only to impress the parking attendant at the restaurant that takes my credit card, or the security guard at the job I spend 60 hours a week working at plus a multi hour daily commute to pay for the house I can’t afford and never get to see because every time I get a few days off out comes the credit card so I can take a vacation away from the house that is literally costing me the best years of my life. I’ve never once wanted to take a vacation away from my sailing life.
The life I lead is a free one, even free enough to write massive run on sentences with abandon simply because I can. You see, it all goes back to that teacher that tried to brainwash me with an idea of something that doesn’t exist, extort me with bad grades and bully me by sending me to the principals office. Is it any wonder we live is such a fucked up world when our children a being taught by this system only to come home to empty homes because both of the parents are working just to get by?
This little blog has been good to me, over the years it has opened all manor of opportunities and the biggest and best just this week. A real rock solid dream opportunity for money, minor fame and celebrity but it was also an opportunity to do something that I would love very much. It also came with rules and stipulations, for one this blog which created the opportunity would have to go away and be completely re written and edited not only for language but content and context. I really did flip that coin both figuratively and literally. I watched it spin and fall through a bottomless crack. I will never know what could have been, not only was the answer gone but so was all of my money. The door is now closed forever and I can never look back . But what does a coin toss have to do with making well thought out logical choices? I wanted to see what the univers was telling me before making my own sound or depending on how you look at it rash descision.
I could easily have had them send the final contracts to my agent, signed them and had an opportunity that millions of people would literally kill for. It would have come at a cost of selling myself out and going back to 8th grade and admitting defeat. That’s right, I said no and with those simple words fucked up yet another opportunity to sell out and make my life easy and comfortable. The thing I’m learning though all this is that I’m that guy, the one that Fucks everything up, it’s my strength, my superpower. Some people write about how to get money, love, power, knowlegde. I write about nothing but in the process of Forrest Gumping my way through life and literally fucking up every single thing I touch I have found my voice. I’m not following someone else’s dream. I’m not trying to emulate a Book I read or a blog or a trendy lifestyle. What I’m doing is living my life, it’s me and it’s truly authentic. The thing is even though I’m a royal fuck up I’m truly happy with my life. Very few people in the is world can say that but it’s true, I wake up happy, I live happy I go to sleep happy. Coming from a person who suffers from depression this is a pretty good thing. So yeah I’ll fuck up some more stuff and continue to write about it. My simple life is one of freedom and while I doubt many would want to live this life it’s the one I’ve chosen, freedom that is, yes it’s a choice just like happiness. for fucks sake, if I can do it anybody can.
“So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?”
― Hunter S. Thompson