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I get lost in my mind floating on the wind, I’m home.  Raindrops pelt the rising tide.  The evening sun hangs somewhere behind a dark vail of storm clouds.  My eyes are tired but I fight sleep, I don’t want this feeling to end. I lock the cabin from the inside, the candles are already lit, the warm flicker of a new beginning dances in  the breeze. Soft music drifts into the v-berth, I can feel its rhythm pulsing through my body.

Not all who wander are lost.  This meandering journey never ends, it just changes course. I’ve traveled for what feels like an eternity on the souls of my bare feet.  I buried my best friend and met an angel. I’ve soared high above the Eagles across oceans.  Chasing gravity on two tiny wheels down the side of a volcano was the climax to 8 hard, wet and exhausting  hours in the saddle of my Brompton. Packed in a  tin can like a sardine I’ve traveled far too many miles in a car that can top a hundred MPH yet it moved slower than I can walk.  A crazy train dropped me off at a lonely bus station and then there was the boat, more like a magic carpet ride drifting on the winds of the BC coast. Some days I hitch hiked, others I took a cab and one amazing day I was offered a ride for no reason from a complete stranger.  I’ve said a thousand hellos and goodbyes.  I’ve seen so many pairs of eyes all the same yet so very different.  I’ve slept on empty beaches,  in steamy jungles, on a couch, the floor, a single bed, a double bed and one made for a king. Laying on a balmy beach under a blanket of stars I shared the blood moon with the only other soul on the planet.  I swam with sharks, turtles and mermaids.  Somewhere between here and Alaska I sailed through a summer gale and was reminded why I will never sail solo again.  Backpacking along the edge of the Pacific Crest Trail, I taught a young girl how to make fire, yes it can snow even in the middle of summer.

I’ve packed a lifetime into every bit of the last 9 months and all those that came before. Spending time is my birthright and I do like a millionaire. I’ve learned many lessons, made a few mistakes and  again somehow survived my own stupidity.  I may not possess  a single pair of shoes but the world is good to me. According to the people that make all the rules I live well below the poverty line.  I say live well because that’s what I do, the only thing I don’t do well is follow the rules, I make them up as I go.  I’ve been told that I have Peter Pan Syndrome, that I’m a man cub.  Riding down a lonely road on a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific without a care in the world I’m smiling so hard my face hurts and I have to agree.  The music is soft and sweet and, shhh …

I’m Instantly brought back to reality.  Life is good but I’ve been avoiding going home for too long.  I’m afraid of what I will find waiting for me.  I remember the last time I lifted Chloe out of Sookie, I knew she wasn’t coming home.  So fresh but so long ago the pain doesn’t get better, it gets worse.  I’m dragging my feet, afraid of what I will face alone on what was our home for so many years.  If I don’t like it i will get back on the bike and ride away the very same day. I’m not looking foreward this portion of the journey but it’s time to go home.  I was going to bring a new pup from the rescue but I couldn’t do it not yet, maybe not ever.  Ive never felt more alone in my life, I’m continually surprised how much love and happiness that little puppy brought into my life.  I scribble the song I’m listening to into my logbook.

Take that ribbon from your hair, shake it loose and let it fall.

Playing soft against your skin, like the shadows on the wall.

Come and lay down by my side, till the early morning light.

All I’m taking is your time, help me make it through the night.

I don’t care if it’s right or wrong, don’t try to understand.

Let the devil take tomorrow, cause tonight I need a friend.

Yesterday is dead and gone, and tomorrow’s out of sight.

And it’s sad to be alone, help me make it through the night.

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