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The rain came hard trapping me in the boat, it was warm and humid, the bay a dead calm boiling with heavy drops from the heavens.but this paradise had to be earned.  A long wet windward passage and a very narrow and shallow reef lined pass had to be carefully negotiated.  The big boats had to stay outside in the outer bay but Sookie fit in snug as a bug in a rug in our private little Shangri-La

I get a series of weird questions about Sookie from my family.  I’m busy and not really paying attention, then it hits me.  I respond, what are you knuckle heads up to.  My family wants to ship Sookie south for me, my shinanagans must have finally gotten to them, or maybe they are afraid I pull a respeat and head back to Maui again.  That fucking island almost killed me as did Sherrif  John Brown but in the end I won and had one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

Let’s face it I’m an American and as such I live a privileged life.  The poorest person in America lives like a millionaire compared to much of the rest of the world, this tragedy was witnessed by my very young eyes and at one point I decided I could save the world, these these days I’m still perplexed by it all but there is very little I can do.  Instead I live my own life in search of the metaphorical bread and water that rules my world.

I’m annoyed by this offer, not that I’m not super appreciative, fuck it’s everything I want and need on a silver platter and why shouldn’t they.  Isn’t that what family is all about.  I spoiled Chloe rotten and loved it, she ate the finest food a dog could have, she got all the love and nourishment on the planet, even when I was in the middle of divorce and dumpster diving and eating road kill to survive she was still well taken care of.  I would do anything for my family without question or questioning it.

I flat out refused the offer with a thank you but… Seven years ago penniless, busted flat and losing the girl I loved more than worlds  of words can express I started a new journey with nothing.  That was the perfect storm of life, it’s when my eyes really started to fail, my life in shambles and I was living in a town I never chose to live in, I moved there for my ex, bought her the perfect boat and then it all ended, but I didn’t. I just flipped a switch and started a new journey.  If I let my family help me I’m a fake, a fraud, a phony, im no trustaffarian, my journey is real, it’s mine and I know the path very well.

Still it felt good just to think about, it feels good to know there are people out there who love you and want to help you.  I pay it all foreward whenever I can which is right now as I am working and it feels good to be able to share with the less fortunate.  

So I threw away my get out of jail free card, although I’ve already used it once this year.  It’s been really cold at night and getting colder, my body is broken from being run over by a yacht and my contract ends in 5 weeks, I’m a bit fearful for the immediate future but… I’m a fool for saying no but if your not willing to make the long and wet windward passage you will never make it to Shangri-la.  The biggest privilege any of us can demand in life is the privilege of choice, of action and of self reliance.  

Which would have advanced the most at the end of a month, — the boy who had made his own jackknife from the ore which he had dug and smelted, reading as much as would be necessary for this, — or the boy who had attended the lectures on metallurgy at the Institute in the mean while, and had received a Rodgers’ penknife from his father?

  — Walden

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