I can’t say that I believe in reincarnation but I do believe in miracles so anything is possible. It’s cold outside, too cold. The lows tonight will be around 24 which is plain just not right. I miss Chloe especially on the cold nights, she was a snuggle ninja and always kept me warm. You can never feel lonely when you’re with your four legged companion. I keep waiting for her to show up in another form so we can continue where we left off.
Little reminders of her are everywhere, tiny hairs still waft around the boat, her tag, claw marks in the wood around the companion way. I still haven’t figured out how to go on without her. It’s cold and empty in the boat, loneliness and a bit of depression is setting in faster with each of the shorter days, I need to get out of here and feel the sun on my back, the earth between my toes and a bit of liquid sunshine on my naked body.
In a random act of insanity I pulled a pile of cash out of the boat fund and blew it all on good food. Real nacho chips with Spanish salsa. Fruit and veggies of every kind, a hunk of cheese, tonic to mix with the last bits of gin and a box of wine for next week. I’m surrounded with all of the the things I never allow myself, tonight will be a feast for two as I’ll put out a plate for Chloe just in case.
I’ve been waiting and planning all week for tomorrow, the plan was to order everything I’ve been working so hard towards. My new water tank and all the pumps and fittings, the gimballed stove, a new dslr and Mac book and so forth and so on. I’ve deleted all my order forms, stopped with everything, deciding that a bit of limbo and contemplation is in order. I could buy a ticket somewhere warm today and leave in the morning or go to the rescue and save a pup or just relax and start living like a normal person for a bit.
Ive grown tired of going it alone so everything stopped today. A trip to the jacuzzi, a hot shower and a cold drink are all I care about. In the morning I spin the bottle and see where I land.
“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.”
― Will Rogers