Today I am going to put up a real time blog, I rarely spend more than 5-10 minutes writing but it is often done in stages throughout the day between clients or other little projects. Today I will update each section as I write it so you can see the progression of my ADD influenced writing style.
Spring is in the air and I have survived another brutally lonely and depressing winter. Holed up in the boat I had time to think, time to feel and time to discover. I have been pushing so hard and for so long to make this journey happen that I’m completely burned out. There has been so much going on in my life and with only so many hours in the day, none was left for Alan time. Last week I read Who Moved My Cheese and something clicked in my tired brain. I took my good friend ken’s advice and became a cloud, now I am just hovering. I have walked away from everything, cleared my head and my heart and am just flowing with the ebb and flow of the tide. Last Friday I received a piece of certified mail from the marina, pay $992.00 within 10 days or we seize your boat. Well I have made exactly $1500 year to date and had about $8.00 to my name when received the letter. I read the letter, folded it up and went back to hoover mode. Nothing matters and nothing can bring any negative thoughts or patterns into my life. A small miracle happened over the weekend and I my boat is safe for now.
For over half my life surfing was my life’s blood. I searched the world for the perfect break, but having found it I didn’t just paddle out. I would kneel on the beach and study the lineup, when I felt ready I would paddle out and sit waiting for the perfect wave. I have let thousands roll by but when the perfect one came along I would paddle with all my might and ride the wave as long as I possible could. I treat love the same way, there are millions of fish in the ocean but only one for me, when I found her I dove right in paddled with all my might and caught her, it’s gonna be a good ride.
“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” ~Marilyn Monroe
I was in the boat the other night when I heard Chloe going nuts outside the boat, she usually reserves her spastic cry’s and whimpers for a select few. I walked out and there she was, draped in beautiful long red curls, the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on, crouched down and playing with Chloe. She stood up and gave me a giant hug. This meeting was pure serendipity, I invited her into my cockpit and stared into her beautiful grey eyes. We chatted and laughed as if we had known each other our entire life’s. The more we talked the more we had in common, I felt a chill in my spine and we both went silent for a moment, through random conversation it turned out that my father was her fathers college professor over thirty years ago.
When she pulled out this bottle of whiskey I smiled, then she asked If I smoked. We toasted and shared a smoke and laughed the night away. Together we share more in common than any I have known but also are clearly on different paths. Every trial has a river to cross just as every river flows to the sea, evaporates and is returned to the mountains from which it came. They say that people come into our life’s for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. This beautiful evening may have been just that, one beautiful moment stopped in time. I’m living in the moment, open to everything but expecting nothing, I’m an cloud, I’m just hoovering.
The moment I gave up everything was the moment life opened to me. If you see me walking through the marina you might notice something is a little different about me, my step is a little lighter, my smile is a little brighter. Last night I crawled into my bed covered in girly pheromones and sang myself to sleep.
“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” ~ Bob Marley
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two “wolves” inside us all..
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence,empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grand son thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
If I could teach aspiring young photographers one thing, it would be that it isn’t about the camera. Sure I would love a Nikon D7000 DSLR but for now any camera will do.
I don’t shoot what it looks like, I shoot what it feels like.
90% of the images on this site were taken with a Canon G9, G10, G11, or G 12 The Canon G12 is still my all time favorite point and shoot camera but the G9 is the camera I filmed The New Homeless with.
Well it finally happened, I just purchased a nice little Canon A540 for 15 bucks off craigslist. It falls a bit short of my dream Canon A620 but I couldn’t be any happier. My life has been so empty without a camera. Life is good
This little spirit lives in The`, her eyes follow me everywhere I go.
RAIN, RAIN, RAIN, I pulled on my Xtratuff’s and took Chloe for a good romp in the rain. If you don’t own a pair of Xtratuff’s and you have the means, I highly recommend you get a pair, they just may be my most prized personal possession. http://www.x-tough.com/
A good photographer must love life more than he does photography. – Joel Strasser
When I was 18 years old I met a girl named Captain Lea, She was a crusty old commercial fisherman by summer and a beautiful sailing maiden by winter. Her boat, the Wet Dream had a bare breasted mermaid painted on the transom. I’ll never forget the first time we met. “It looks like you” I said, ”it is” she replied”. ”prove it” She lifted her shirt bearing her breasts and that was the day I fell in love with Lea.
Within 5 minutes of meeting we were heading out the bay for my first sail on a traditional sailboat. She had her boat a Down East 32 custom built and was always modifying it to perfection between her annual voyages to Hawaii or Mexico. That was 25 years ago, Lea is still by far the most knowledgeable sailor I have ever known. 90% of what I know about the sea was taught to me by her. She was the one who taught me the then lost art of heaving to and barefoot navigating,” navigating by the sun, moon, and stars without the use of a sextant”. She beat into my brain the a boat must be maintained to the highest standards and that there is no such thing as cosmetic when it comes to a sailboat. She taught me how to sail with the storms not against them, and most importantly how to love and respect the ocean.
I’ve taken each and every lesson she taught me and have attempted “usually in vain” to pass the knowledge on to my students. Now years later, I have been building boats for so long I have actually forgotten how to sail, sure I can pull the strings and point her in the right direction but that is only 1% of what true sailing is. Every day I wake up and wonder if today will be my last here tied to the marina. The` is tugging at her mooring lines saying “set me free and I will take you on a trip far across the sea”. My soul is pulling at me. The ocean beckons, come to me Alan, come to me and I will share with you, your Wet Dream.
How inappropriate to call this planet Earth when it is quite clearly Ocean. ~Arthur C. Clarke
“Safety, comfort, speed. In that order is what I look for in a boat. According to these stats (generated by SAIL CALCULATOR) the FC is only about 10% less comfortable and fast, but just as safe”.
This doesn’t surprise me at all considering the FC 22 was once of Lyle Hess’s last designed boats and he designed it for himself. When I closed on my boat the seller admitted that he had sellers remorse and that the FC 22 sailed better than his Bristol Channel Cutter. Pinch me I must be dreaming.
Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success. ~Dale Carnegie
The power struggle continues, the rain continues, the stinking wet continues. Its so damp and dank in here that even my soul is wet. I need to take a lesson form Chloe because the little things never get to her. She is infinitely happy, patient, content, and lives completely in the moment.
The entire process of one step forward and two steps back may get some people down but on a positive note I have taken 100 steps forward. Through the process of elimination I have literally touched and inspected every inch of this boat inside and out. I know her like the back of my hand, and its a good feeling to be so in tune this this little ship. We have made a blood pact, I am patient with er flaws and take care of her, and in return she is patient with my flaws and takes care of me. I have been building for so long I am literally going to have to learn to sail all over again.
The first steps of laying up what will someday be my new 14′ sculling oar. My friend Mathew is temporarily land locked while we works on his Falmouth Cutter 26 and his loft is the perfect place to lay up the oar. I’m so excited about this new oar, but also live in almost a constant state of fear and anxiety. The water around here is anything but friendly, and I have been brainwashed that to be safe a sailboat must have an engine. Sure I could add an engine, push the button and spend the summer motoring around the islands but its adventure I seek. I want the challenge and excitement of sailing the way the ancient mariners did, navigating by the sun, and moon, and the stars and traveling by the power of the wind and tides. To this day voyaging under sail is still one of the last great frontiers.
If we do not rise to the challenge of our unique capacity to shape our lives, to seek the kinds of growth that we find individually fulfilling, then we can have no security: we will live in a world of shame, in which our selves are determined by the will of others, in which we will be constantly buffeted and increasingly isolated by the changes round us. –Nena O’Neil
DISCLAMER: The following dramatization is based off a true story. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent. All scenes are 100% historically accurate. This is a small snapshot of living on a 22′ sailboat in the Pacific North “WET” West with my dog. All art donated by Kelly Nelson www.swellyroo.com
Last night as we walked down the docks Chloe is her usual spastic self ran right off the dock chasing a duck. She torpedoed into the water disappearing in the muck as the duck dived beneath the surface Chloe followed.
She popped to the surface with no duck which was quite disappointing to me because we have a, if she kills it I eat it rule and I was hungry.
This was the second salty dog episode in two days. Salt water inside the boat makes for a horribly damp living environment so Chloe got a bath. I dont know why but there is only one person on this planet who Chloe will let give her a bath. Jessica just says “in Chloe” and she jumps in the tub and lays down. Its quite different for me, It must be quite amusing to onlookers watching the struggle I put up with in trying to get her clean.
I washed and dried her as best I could but it takes hours for her to fully dry. I had planned to leave her outside till she dried but it started pouring rain and she was wet all over again. In came the soaking wet beast, in the humidity the boat smelled like wet dog withing seconds. She jumped from one berth to the next me chasing and shooing but it was too late, every inch of the boat was soaking wet, steamy, and reeked of wet dog.
I sat down in frustration smiled at her and said I love you Chloe even if you smell like a dead seal, she licked her chops as she does when she is totally content laid her head down and stared at me.
I laid down in my wet stinky wet bunk,all wet with a glass of wine and listened to the pitter patter of rain contemplating how it is even remotely possible that I am single.
True love is not how you forgive, but how you forget, not what you see but what you feel, not how you listen but how you understand, and not how you let go but how you hold on.
I’ve spent the last 6 months developing a new interactive media source and starting July 1st the fun begins. I have put all my eggs in one basket so money is tight but as a debt free minimalist I’m loving it. For the next several years I will be spending 6 months sailing the most beautiful places on earth and the other 6 months locked in an editing room in a small cabin in the woods. While I’m still seeking a joint partner to play and explore paradise with me. I ‘m fully prepared to set off alone.
This year has been one of the most challenging of my life but there is a rainbow at the end of the tunnel. I have no destination or itinerary, I will go where the wind blows me.
When the world says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, “Try it one more time.”
If you look closely you can see the scar in the left side of my eyeball. Just before my 16th birthday I had reconstructive eye surgery. I have had double vision since. Just walking can be a chore, driving and cycling takes an immense amount of concentration, writing and photography put me into dizzy spells within 10 minutes. I’ve struggled with my handicap my whole life but never let it slow me down. Perhaps the reason that vision is so important to me is that I spent the first half of my life half blind.
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. - Thomas Edison
When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
