When I first moved to the Pacific North West it was trial by fire, one day I was living in my car driving to Alaska, the next I was living in the boat yard in my new to me Allegra 24. Winter came hard and fast that year and as soon as It did I made a break for the nearest island and land. Back then I thought my new friends who lived aboard during the winter were effing nuts.
Now entering into my 5th or 6th winter aboard I don’t think they were nuts, I know they are certifiable. For all the bitching I do about winter and the cold I actually love living aboard. Here and there a few storms blow through that are comepletly intolerable but other than that it truly is living the dream. I’ve moved from boat to boat till I found the perfect fit, relationship wise I’ve been reluctantly following the same path.
I’ve had three liveaboard relationships aboard Sookie and while they were all quite fun, none of them were worth Persuing in the long run, mostly because none of them were sailors or cared about sailing. They say the spots on a leopard never change and that’s my curse, I’m afflicted with water on the brain and always will be, I was born under the sign of cancer, A true waterman. Trying to change a city girl into a sailor is a tough thing. Also I’m appearanty an A-Hole because I won’t buy a Bene 40 with diesel heat, a water maker and a real shower and yes I know how important these things are for people who spend their life’s chasing careers, statice symbols and the American dream. Nothing wrong with any of those things but they are like kryptonite to me. I have a sign on my mirror aboard Sookie that reads “it’s all your fault” I smile every time I read that sign and it makes me feel just a little bit freer.
I don’t know why but I’m so turned off by the so called persuit of happiness that I actually came to the realization that I’d much rather be single than to date a person who thinks that success can be measured in anything other than happiness. Then one of my a brilliant girlie friends pointed out that I was fishing in the wrong pond. Her exact words were “you need to find an unmotivated wanderer for the wind who stinks of pachouli, doesn’t know what shoes are, is allergic to careers and gainful employment and has a wanderlust based off of discovery and exploration, not a bucket list. You know, a total looser, somebody just like you;)”. She gave me one of those super sexy consoling hugs and a sympathetic awwwe…
Right then and there it hit me like being smacked with a 2×4 across the head. I smiled when I realized how right she is. I’m not a baby maker, sugar daddy, don’t collect debt, have opted out of the 9-5 and sucessfully stayed out. I’m not impressed with titles or fame and pretty much don’t have a single thing to offer in this world other than my hyper excitability about living in the present. Going back to those relationships I could now see how doomed they were from the start. One wanted babies, one wanted debt and one wanted… kryptonite
Funny how we can amble though life never seeing what or who we really are until forced to look back at ourselves through the one way mirror of reality. Solo… that’s a big word and one that I have all but erased from my vocabulary. Dirt bag, it’s such a wonderful word, it congers images of dirty blond hair in braids with flowers, bare tanned feet and a hairy hippie girl two days passed due for a shower dancing around a fire. There was a time in my life when I truly thought that the gobs of money I was making meant something. For every rung I climbed in the corporate ladder I was actually descending one step lower towards the fiery gates of hell. That hippie girl with her hula hoop is on to something. She didn’t need hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt to her education or a lifetime chained to a cubicle to figure it out. Life is best lived in the present. I had been searching for so long for a paper doll that I didn’t even realize how flimsy paper is.
Tonight was spent laughing so hard I almost peed myself. My feet are so cold they are burning but I have a big thick pair of socks sitting around here somewhere. I burned my dinner but it still filled and nourished me and I’ll be warm and snuggled in bed long before 900pm. Boating relationships take a very special bond, I look back at all of my passed sailing forays fondly as the time spent was precious and priceless!#*#SCREECH—-Or maybe they just weren’t aligned with the voyage of Sookie, Aduhhhhh 😉 night kids.
From the log of the Dangerous. Anyone that a) doesn’t believe in hell and b) thinks that money can buy happiness has never spent their days shackeled to one of the largest lending institutions on the planet earth. I can assure you that hell does exist, for me it was in Lake Forrest Ca and no, money can’t buy you happiness, although it can buy you a kickass boat and a bottle of really average whiskey, go figure. Life is an enigma but I’m learning, slowly and painfully…