There is a price we pay for freedom and sometimes freedom is that price. Winter has done me in time wise, the ticking clock has me wondering if it’s time to throw in the towel for this year, re group and start the process all over again at a later date. I love a good challange but I’m on the line and ready to back out.
If I put every ounce of my effort, every minute of my spare time and every last dollar I posses and earn in the coming months I have a chance of breaking free and a potential residual income to support my freedom. It’s six ways this, half a dozen the other. If I fail I’m trapped on the boat for another winter in a merciless and hostile environment. This past winter took its toll and I don’t think I can take another. Desperation is the best of motivators but change is the best desperation eraser.
I could call it off now, work the summer and continue to install all my new gear with a few good months for sea trials. Heading out on Brompty September first is always a very exciting option and one that would wind my way south to warmer climates but again find me broke with a 10 page list of must haves for Sookie in the spring. My commitment level to either of these options is as high as it is low. I’m feeling lost, burned out, tired and fairly unmotivated.
Brompty sits collecting dust, Sookie sits patiently waiting for her spring outfitting, and the clock of time is backspinning at an alarming rate. It’s been exactly 2 years since I set off on my last long cruise on the boat. I still deal with daily bouts of depression over the loss of Chloe and even though I have every option on the planet, I can’t seem to commit to a single one of them. I’m so sick of being cold but it’s the very nature of why this is the most magical place on earth.
“Until the lions learn to write every story will glorify the hunter.” – African proverb